SATIRE
ONLY
NOT REAL
ONLY
NOT REAL
DECISION BULLETIN
Formula 1
07 August 2026
The Stewards wish to clarify that none of this happened, and yet have still reached the following decision:
Fact
Alex Albon Confirms 19 Personal Animals, Describes Situation as Normal
Decision
The Stewards find that Alex Albon is currently managing sixteen cats, one dog, and two horses — a total of nineteen animals, none of whom are registered with Williams Racing and all of whom require feeding on a schedule the Stewards would describe as ambitious. The Stewards note that coordinating nineteen individual animals, two of which are horses, represents a logistical operation of comparable complexity to a competitive pit stop, and acknowledge that Albon has been doing this largely without a lollipop man. No further questions have been submitted. The Stewards remain unable to account for how one arrives at exactly sixteen cats without at least one being an accident.
Reason