SATIRE
ONLY
NOT REAL
ONLY
NOT REAL
DECISION BULLETIN
Brickyard 400
29 July 2026
The Stewards convened an emergency session for a matter that was, on reflection, not an emergency, and determine the following:
Fact
Driver's own teammates mysteriously forget how "pushing" works during the race's decisive final restart
Decision
The Stewards confirm that team orders remain, as always, non-binding, aspirational, and subject to each driver's personal definition of the word "team."
Reason